Sarah Palin Is A Baby Seal Hunting Fool

Sarah Palin: This is Sarah.

Masked Avengers: Ah, yeah, Gov. Palin.

SP: Hello.

MA: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.

SP: Oh, it's not him yet, they're saying. I always do that.

MA: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.

SP: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?

MA: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?

SP: Oh, it's so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.

MA: Oh, it's a pleasure.

SP: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.

MA: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday, you know?

SP: Yes, good.

MA: Excellent. Are you confident?

SP: Very confident and we're thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and...

MA: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?

SP: I feel so good. I feel like we're in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.

MA: You see, I got elected in France because I'm real and you seem to be someone who's real, as well.

SP: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.

MA: You know I see you as a president one day, too.

SP: Maybe in eight years.

MA: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favourite activities is to hunt, too.

SP: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.

MA: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in French, on pourrait tuer des bebe phoques, aussi. (Babelfish translation: one could kill out of the baby seals, too)

SP: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.

MA: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun. I'd really love to go, so long as we don't bring along Vice-President Cheney.

SP: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.

MA: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That's kind of less interesting than you.

SP: Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.

MA: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren't experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that's completely false. That's the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse.

SP: Well, he's doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.

MA: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois, have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies?

SP: I haven't seen him at one of the rallies but it's been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.

MA: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.

SP: Well, give her a big hug for me.

MA: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she's so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.

SP: Oh my goodness, I didn't know that.

MA: Yes, in French it's called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber...it's his life, Joe the Plumber.

SP: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.

MA: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That's not your husband, right?

SP: That's not my husband but he's a normal American who just works hard and doesn't want government to take his money.

MA: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit.

SP: Right, that's what it's all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You're a very good example for us here.

MA: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn't an ally as much as usual.

SP: Yeah, that's what we're up against.

MA: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler's Nailin' Paylin?

SP: Ohh, good, thank you, yes.

MA: That was really edgy.

SP: Well, good.

MA: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you've been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.

SP: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?

MA: CKOI in Montreal.

SP: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.

MA: CK...hello?

April Fool's Prank Fallout At A Major Blog Site

Late last night, I stumbled on to an early April Fool's blog post from someone I know. It was a pretty funny shot at two rather popular members of that site.

But it quickly disappeared. When it was pointed out to the poster's attention, it appeared another mod at the site deleted it. His comment? That the mysterious mod could "make a frappucino, fold it in half, shine it up nice and shove it up his candy ass!"

More as it becomes available...

Google, Once Again, Joins In On April Fool's

Following up on Google Paper (where Google would print out the web and send it to you for free), they've now rolled out the new feature to rock the world:

Google Custom Time

10 Random Questions - Troy Brownfield

I'm starting out a new bit here on Schwapp. I'll be asking comic book pros (writers, artists, reviewers, journalists, etc) 10 somewhat random questions; half will be comic book related and half have little-to-nothing to do with it.

The first up? My friend and former colleague, Troy Brownfield. A college professor by day (and sometimes nights, with a room full of cons), he runs the mighty Shotgun Reviews and is one of staples of Newsarama comic coverage (reviews and interviews). He marshals the forces of the BEST SHOTS team that reviews books weekly every Monday over on Newsarama.

1. What would you credit as the biggest single character, creator, or vegetable responsible for you pursuing a career involving comic books?

The biggest reason would probably be sheer stupidity. In terms of influence . . . man, that's tough. As a kid, I was really into the various and sundry cartoons and movies that were exploding all around me (Super Friends, Superman the movie, etc.), but if you really nail it down to one specific comic-related influence, then it would probably have to be Claremont/Byrne. I started reading Uncanny with #125 after I picked it up off of the spinner rack at the local grocery. I knew Superman, the JLA, Spidey, etc., but I hadn't seen anything quite like that before. And of course, a year later, they smoked Phoenix! My grade-school mind was officially blown.

2. Which convention have you had your best drinking nights at? Please drop at least one titillating factoid from said nights to pique our readers' curiosity.

You want a city or a year? San Diego '07 was pretty great, mainly due to the ridiculousness that seemed to follow the Fangoria experience. Of course, Chicago '07 had its moments. Still, I'd have to say that Chicago '00 features one of my all time favorite moments. ShotgunReviews.com had a booth that year, and our wrestling columnist Russ Ray had one too many (that would be 24) and passed out. He was then berated by our hip-hop editor Jonthan Birdsong, who at first didn't realize that Russ was asleep. When Birdsong realized that Russ was out, he essentially stood on top of him yelling, "Wake up, White Boy! Come on! Don't they build farm boys better than that?" and the like for roughly 30 minutes. The site of Birdsong, who is maybe 50% Russ's size, standing on him and raining insults had me paralyzed with laughter.

3. What's the most starstruck moment you've had so far, as it pertains to comic books?

On a technicality: Gary Oldman. I think the man is a genius. I was on the set of "The Dark Knight" to do interviews, and he's the only person that's ever given me a moment's pause. Not Bob Mould (my favorite musician), not Mick Foley, not Grant Morrison . . . Gary Oldman. Very nice, but just imposing by the weight of all this tremendous work. Unfortunately, he did not greet us with "You thought it was a white boy day!" (if you don' t know, that goes back to his turn as Drexel the Killer Pimp in "True Romance"; bizarrely, it's my second use of "white boy" in three questions).

4. What's the stupidest thing you did in the year 2007? Use whatever definition of "stupid" you'd like.

That's easy: trying to teach classes on three campuses (campi?) in the same semester. That's like getting up in the morning and hitting yourself in the face with a brick. I had my regular courseload at Saint Mary-of-the-Woods, did some adjuncting for Indiana State, and taught a night class at Plainfield correctional. NEVER AGAIN.

5. Ever had an interview go horribly wrong or start off on a really bad foot? Give as much detail as you like (feel free to leave it simple and "blind").

Honestly, not really. But I did get harrassed by the crowd at a RATT show because I was due to interview the band and security took me to the front of the cluster of fans outside of the bus. I had to wait while the security guy called all clear, and the fans were yelling at me. "Why do you get to go up front?" It was really, really strange. Once I got on the bus, Steven Pearcy was in the back arguing with the sound guy, Bobby Blotzer was regaling two bleach-blondes with tales of touring with Quiet Riot, and I was received by Warren DeMartini. He remains one of the nicest men I've ever interviewed, and loved being asked questions about musical content instead of hair. Great night.

6. Many professionals have "fan clubs", but do you have a "hate club" out there?

Ha! I believe I do, but I don't want to give them hits. It's safe to say that I've inspired a few threads. Best hate mail I ever got was from some young kid after I'd given negative reviews to both Avril Lavigne and Good Charlotte about four or five years ago. This young man, trembling with rage apparently, emailed me that I just didn't get it because I was . . . "a prep." I thought that was rather awesome.

7. What's the geekiest thing you've done that has come from your interest in comic books?

I'm sure my wife could give you a top ten list. Even Matt Brady rags on me for some of the things I know without having to look it up. My best friend (Shawn Delaney) thinks it's hilarious that I organize my DVDs by genre rather than alphabetically and my comics by team/family affiliation within universes, so that's probably it.

8. If you could have someone else's career (anyone's at all), who would it be and why? (a celebrity's name and "for the pussy" is completely acceptable; bonus points if it is a female celebrity)

Ann Coulter's. If I had her carrer, I'd lock it safely away where it couldn't get out.

Oh, you mean for myself? Easy. Gene Simmons. What's it like to get up in the morning and say, "You know, I'm the GOD OF THUNDER!" When you get dressed for work, you're putting on Black Bolt's costume and Godzilla boots. You play rock and roll surrounded by fire, explosions, and thousands of fans in every city in the world. You're so rich and famous that networks want to film your life and other celebrities want you on their shows about THEIR lives. And even though people will make fun of you, they're jealous as fuck. Plus, when you die, you can be buried in a KISS casket. Insane.

9. What is the most difficult part of catching on in this industry, even in roles like reviewer, journalist, or editorial?

All of it. Honestly, getting the first person to look at your work is the hardest part. And all the effort that it took to get to THAT moment is just the opening credits. You can't let down. EVER.

10. Please complete this sentence: "Quick: turn off the lights and..."

" . . . hide in the shower!"

The classics, mon; they never die.

As always, I'll be asking participants to drop at least two plugs: one personal and one for a project unrelated to them. I place no restrictions on how many plugs can be given, so anyone who answers is free to plug whore away.

My plugs (no balding jokes, you bastards) . . .

1) Obviously, the mighty ShotgunReviews.com! We've been online since June 1999, and we're presently drawing our biggest audiences ever. It must have something to do with a ridiculous depth of archived content and 55 writers churning out great stuff regularly across the pop culture spectrum. We've also got the Shots in the Dark radio show, and we'll be adding some more media soon. And we update daily. Often. Because we're insane.

2) LOST. Like it needs the help. Still, it's one of the most rewarding viewing experiences that I've ever had. It's pantheon-level TV, and I think that a good bit of the grousing that we hear about it is just old-fashioned lack of patience. I enjoy the show, and I enjoy the journey of the show.

3) Bob Mould has a new album, "District Line", in which he returns to straight-up guitar rock for the first time in years. Well worth a listen. In that vein, I also re-recommend 1993's "Copper Blue" by Mould's then-outfit Sugar. That's an overlooked gem.

4) Next cool comics thing? Tim Sievert's "That Salty Air" from Top Shelf is probably going to win some awards this year. I'm reviewing soon for Best Shots, and it's a keeper.