Tue Reviews

Originally run as part of the Best Shots column at Newsarama.


Justice League of America #46 
Published by DC Comics
Written by James "hey, wasn't my Starman run great" Robinson
Art by Mark "I'm not gonna blame anyone" Bagley, Rob "I don't even want to comment" Hunter, Norm "ditto" Rapmund and Ulises "aren't the Northern Lights purty" Arreola
Edited by Rex "don't blame me, I was writing a 'Second Feature' elsewhere" Ogle, Adam "don't blame me, Eddie's the boss" Schlagman & Eddie "it's totally the fault of my subordinates that this had three editors and still sucked" Berganza


I'm a sucker for the JLA/JSA crossovers, so I picked up this issue despite feeling Robinson's run thus far has been a major disappointment. While hoping that this may have been an example where he stepped his game up for a special event, I was confronted with a book where the severity of the writer's flaws were multiplied instead.

One of the major problems is Robinson's insistence on attempting multiple character narration. Switching back and forth as often and as rapidly as he does is jarring on its own, but his tendency towards maximum verbosity sets him up to fail. The brain-numbing amount of exposition used to spoon feed everything to the reader is clunky and serves to frustrate/insult the reader at every turn. The dialogue suffers for reasons beyond that, though.

Robinson writes a scene where Jesse Quick seems like she just stepped out of Gone With The Wind and leaves me expecting Hourman to step in and say, "frankly, Jesse, I don't give a damn!" Towards the end, he writes Mikaal's narration as if this Starman is trying to channel the worst William Shatner delivery into something that fits a tweet.

The art is NOT strong. Bagley looks rushed and his pages with many costumed heroes shoehorned in (read: much of the book) look terrible. He's not helped by his inkers or a colorist that decides to have the JLA & JSA discussing tactics inside the Aurora Borealis (judging by the background they created). Issues like this will no doubt lead readers to look back and say, "you know, JL Detroit wasn't so bad."

Death of Dracula #1
Published by Marvel Comics
Written by Victor Gischler
Art by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Onofrio Cattachio, Frank D'Armata
Edited by Daniel Ketcham & Axel Alonso 

There doesn't seem to be a real purpose to this book. It is heralded as the starting point for the new X-Men book debuting Thursday, but has no X-Men present or any mutants. What bits it might help set up about the vampires here is likely to be restated early and often in the actual X-Men series. I mention this not only because it can factor into how much one enjoys the read or feels satisfied in their purchase, but because this lack of point or purpose seems to be reflected in the quality of the story. The story lacks a soul and serves to put forth info about this group of characters as dispassionately as the protagonist reacts to his father's demise. It certainly doesn't bode well for what is to come from Gischler's X-Men vs vampires storyline.

Mr. Anonymous Reveals The 2010 Winner Of The EPIC FAIL Award

UPDATE/CLARIFICATION: Nothing below is meant to suggest that XMEN: LEGACY is ending. The teasers implied to me that there wold be a new X-MEN title, which is what I was going on. Mr. Anonymous has just reached out to me to clarify Carey's book and his run on it are not being ended. Also, I may have been too cute in saying "when you're the ArchAngel". Some are thinking this is editorially mandated; no, it is from David Gabriel (get it? archangel?). 

You know what rarely works out well? When the business-minded folks at the company force their "creative ideas" on their employees.

That's what is happening at Marvel.

When you're the Archangel at Marvel, there aren't a lot of people who can say no to you. When you decide that vampires are soooooooooooooooooooo "in", you can tell your people you have an idea that they just need to do and, well, who is going to tell the boss it sucks?

I speak of X-MEN. The adjective-free X-MEN book. The main focus of that book? Everyone's favorite mutants versus vampires. That's why there is blood dripping on the teasers. That's why you've seen Blade in one.

No one wants to be the one to edit it. The only creative team that would touch it is Victor Gischler and Paco Medina.

The next teaser? I'll have Nate Grey and Jubilee in it. Now, I don't know about Nate, but Ms. Lee?

Total bloodsucker.

That's right...Jubilee is being made into a vampire. The vocal minority that has lamented Marvel's handling (or lack of handling) of the character has GOTTA love that.

Oh...and all of the above? Brought to you by Mr. Anonymous. He, also, posted the first group shot of the Secret Avengers up on 4chan today. He wanted to be able to post it anonymously and thought I was still in my "I don't know that I want to catch shit from Marvel" phase. Lately? In the words of Mr. Mathers: I just don't give a fuck.

Now, word is that Marvel has completely rescinded advance review PDFs due to the Secret Avengers image getting out. As far as I know, Mr. Anonymous didn't get his stuff from PDFs dispersed to comic book "news" and review sites. So, their decision to shit on the people that more or less give them free advertisement? Not going to have an effect on keeping this shit locked down.

Mind you: if Marvel didn't insist on giving reviewers PDF copies that contain all of the ads that will run in the print version of the book, their wouldn't be spoilery house ads for them to worry about. Of course, the lineup was leaked long before this house ad, but don't expect facts and logic to get in the way of the Mighty Marvel Spiteful Brigade.

Shame On HBO

So, HBO has gotten into some genre programming with True Blood. What type of merchandising seems unavoidable with horror genre product? Busts and figurines.

Look at the figurines. Well, first of all, they're busts, not figurines. They seem to use the two terms interchangeably.

But no, really, take a look at them. Anything seem off?

Like, I don't know, the faces of the actors clearly photoshopped on to the busts? That level of detail is not consistent with some bits in the busts.

While it is less clear on the Bill & Eric busts, it couldn't be clearer on Sookie. See the typical bust level of detail on Sookie's hair? Very much less detailed than the face, no?

Now compare it to the hair hanging down in Bill's face (the brunette of the bunch, if you're not a fan of the show). His hair detail that you can make out (which is, really, only what dangles in front of his forehead) is much more picture perfect than you get out of a sculpture.

It is clear that the face details are simply works of Photoshop. But nowhere on the pre-order pages do they warn that the images shown may differ from the final product. In fact, they urge people to order soon so they don't miss out...or, one might imagine, see a realistic representation of what the busts will actually look like.

A Conversation with Tim Seeley

By Lee Newman

Tim Seeley is a busy guy. He is working with the folks making the Hack/Slash movie, writes the Hack/Slash ongoing and Loaded Bible, and draws Halloween: Nightdance (in addition to anything else that Devil’s Due throws at him as a staff artist). He is one of those guys that has been set to blow up for the past two years. His resume includes working on G.I. Joe & Forgotten Realms. Seeley is a serious horror movie enthusiast, as well as fellow comic book junkie. He took some time out of his busy schedule to talk to me about Loaded Bible, the demands of a monthly series, and even Robert Kirkman.

Lee Newman: How does a Children's book illustrator become the creator of comics like Hack/Slash and Loaded Bible?

Tim Seeley: Actually, it's the other way around. "How did a guy like Tim Seeley end up illustrating children's books?" Heh. But I suppose it was a "right time/right place” kind of thing, and I was lucky to get to work in kid's books and learn a lot of stuff before getting dropped into indy comics.

LN: I'm a parent; I wonder if my daughter read any of the books you illustrated. What books did you do?

TS: She may have. I worked for a company called Lerner; they do tons of educational and story book type stuff. If you pop my name into Amazon, you always see a few of them on there. My personal fave was Junk Lab cuz I managed to sneak in a character I referred to as Diarrhea Man.

LN: I know about Sleepaway Camp and your affinity for Troma movies, what other horror flicks have I missed out on?

TS: Oh man...how much time do you have? (laughing) Really, I find that any horror movie with any heart, budget or not, will make me happy. So, you can see why I have sucka love for Troma. But, I'd say almost anything by Romero, Carpenter, Craven and Fred Dekker is a must see.

LN: Speaking of movies, how goes the Hack/Slash flick?

TS: It's going pretty well. We were held up by the writer's strike, but it seems like they're moving full steam ahead now. With any luck will hear all kinds of news really soon.

LN: My brother Jon (who is a jackass and my boss) wants to know why he doesn't like Hack/Slash since it became an ongoing. What I would really like to know is: how does working on an ongoing differ from working on minis or one-shots?

TS: It's a lot different. One-shots are more like "movies." The story is all about the "case", the adventure, the "event." With the series, I really wanted to explore more of the world, give readers more characters and supporting cast...fill it out, y'know? I personally prefer the ongoing. I think you get to learn more about Cass and Vlad. I can have "smaller" moments not necessarily related to the "freak of the week."

LN: While we are on the subject of Hack/Slash, I have a question from a customer: "I have a question about the book; the covers, specifically. It may be my fault for marrying a feminist, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to sneak porn past her due to some of the covers. Are you at all concerned that there are people who are missing out on a book with a wicked sense of humor and a strong female lead because they're turned off by the 'look at my cute panties' covers?"

TS: Nah...I'm not really concerned, as honestly, it seems like the people who like those covers the most are girls. What I've discovered from women is that sexy is good. They just don't want to see unrealistically proportioned women, with tiny wastes, huge boobs and no brains. This works for me, cuz, neither do I. But, strong, realistic female leads, with a touch of sexuality often seems to work as well for women as men. I would say the majority of people who write me letters for H/S are women. I do understand it's not for everyone, and I really can't please everyone. I'm bummed not to be able to interest any potential reader.

LN: I've really enjoyed Loaded Bible and happen to, also, be a Christian. I know weird, right? As I've said in my reviews of the first two books, I think you have a feel for the true nature of Christ. Are you religious? How does your religion (or lack there of) inform your writing in Loaded Bible?

TS: I'm not religious. But I did grow up Catholic and I've always had an affinity for the "character" of Jesus Christ. I really liked what the guy said...how he did it...I just never liked the religion that came from him. I think the Bible is an incredible book, with a lot of really great advice, but I think that there's just too many possible interpretations of it to follow it as closely as many sects of Christianity would like us too. Jesus is a fascinating character, and I felt like, even if I was going to do a story that portrayed my own personal fears of a theocratic America, I wasn't going to treat Christ poorly. I don't consider the man himself at fault for what I'm criticizing and parodying in LOADED BIBLE.

LN: This next question came from one of our customers: was Loaded Bible an attempt to tell a supernatural story with religious connotations or was the story also an attempt to comment theologically on the nature of Jesus Christ?

TS: It was sort of an attempt to do a few things at once.

1. Tell an awesome horror/action story.
2. Comment on my own concerns about the state of religion and politics, especially relating to the presidency of GW.
3. Do a symbolic story about religious idols, and how they would feel to be manipulated by the religions they created.

Hopefully I pulled off all three.

LN: How did you and your brother come up with the idea?

TS: This is kind of silly, but it's true.

Way back in like 1991 (whenever Jurassic Park came out), my bro and I (who were like 12 and 14) thought that if you could bring back dinosaurs, you could bring back Jesus. It was as simple as that. So we sort of played around with the idea back and forth for years. At one point there was probably a JESUS vs. DINOSAURS story in there. I think I added the vampires, Steve added the nuclear war, I added the "old west" scenario...in the end it was just an amalgam of all these conversations for what Steve and I thought would one day be our big, epic, Hollywood movie. Now of course, we know that no studio would shoot this movie, but, hey, it makes a cool comic!

Ultimate Comics, we have more comics then your shop has!"

LN: Will there be more Loaded Bible after “Communion”?

TS: Yeah, it really is set up now to be a series of THREE books. So, “Communion” is the last issue in Book 1. Book 2 will follow the events of “COMMUNION”, and BOOK 3 will feature Jesus discovering the sources of vampirism.

LN: What exactly happened with the Baby and Jesus in Loaded Bible 2? Will it be addressed in #3? Will we see more of the baby? Feel free to use this space for a plug. (Editor's Note: PLUGS ALWAYS WELCOME AT SCHWAPPONLINE.COM)

TS: Sorry that was unclear.

Basically, Jesus was going to try and heal the kid of vampirism. But he found that doing his usual "laying of hands" method drew him INTO the vampire curse. So he would have to take it on himself to cure the baby. Jesus was freaked, of course, and he withdrew. But the lil' vamp was still hungry and he bit Jesus. But, as we saw in the first ish, Jesus' blood makes vampires go BOOM. That does come to play in “COMMUNION”.

LN: No problem, it might just be me; I read a lot of comics in the middle of the night after long days of sorting comics. How was it working with Mike Norton?

TS: It's always easy and fun. Really. I mean, that sounds like an ass-kiss DVD interview answer, but it's true for Mike and I. We really do like the same stuff. When I give him a script, I know it'll come back just like I intended.

LN: I have noticed a definite progression in Mike's work of late, especially in the last issue of The All New Atom, is that more refined style prevalent in this book? Is it noticeably different in the art than in “Blood of Christ”?

TS: I think so. What happened was right in the middle of Communion, Mike got an exclusive offer from DC. So they told him to finish up whatever he could on LB, and then he'd be theirs for the next two years. No sane artist turns down a DC exclusive, so Mike finished most of “Communion”, started on ATOM, and Chris Johnson finished Bible for me. So, you've seen a very busy Mike doing some great work in the year since he finished his pages of Loaded Bible 2 and 3. He evolves really fast. I actually get jealous.

LN: Besides Halloween: Nightdance and Hack/Slash, what horror comics are you digging?

TS: I enjoy WALKING DEAD in trade, and I always read most of Niles' stuff. Always fun. I've really been enjoying Hester's DARKNESS and WITCHBLADE is growing on me. I dunno...there aren’t many good horror comics around. The big two don't really care about them and just crack out lots of superhero crossover stuff. I can always go back and read my Alan Moore SWAMP THING trades.

LN: Besides Halloween, what are you drawing these days?

TS: A few little projects on the side, and some H/S covers. But mostly, HALLOWEEN has been chaining me to the desk.

LN: Halloween is with Devil's Due where you are a staff artist, what exactly does that position entail? Are you like an art editor or do you just get the job when they can't find some other sucker?

TS: A little of both. Heh, I have "first pick" of our projects. But, when it's an emergency, I draw whatever needs to be done.


LN: What else do you have in the works?

TS: Whew...probably more than I can handle. I'm writing a horror comic for an Italian company called Arcadia. It'll be great, cuz when it comes out, I won’t even be able to read it. I have the LOADED BIBLE Book 1 trade, and a short for Tokyopop. I, also, wrote a sci-fi teen sex comedy that I'm shopping around....so...whew...enough.

LN: How's Robert Kirkman? Could you please tell him to stop hacking off the heads of characters that I like?

TS: Hah...I don't even know if I could get a hold of Robert anymore. He's all BIG MARVEL GUY, and I'm still "indy sacrilegious horror comic guy." But, hey, it wouldn't be a good horror comic if the heads weren't liable to be removed from any or all of your favorite characters.

Hack/Slash comes out monthly, issue 8 is on stands now. Halloween: Nightdance #1 is on stands now. Both are published by Devil’s Due. Loaded Bible 3: Communion will be available Wednesday from Image.

Fourthman Reviews: Loaded Bible 1 & 2

Fourthman (aka Lee Newman) writes reviews for UltimateComics.com, which are syndicated here at SchwappOnline.com with the permission of all parties.

Loaded Bible: Jesus Vs. Vampires
Published by Image
Written by Tim Seeley
Art by Nate Bellegrade and Mark Englert

So this book was hidden away in a box of books that were pulled for me when I got a bit too ambitious in my pulls. This is when I had a real world job and couldn't always find time to read ten comics a day. It has beckoned at me many times, but with Starlord choosing the third volume of Book One for this week's review group book, I thought it was about time for me to give it a read.

Sorry, Tim Seeley, I have truly slept on a master... Hack/Slash is now one of my favorite horror books and this here Loaded Bible is an unsung masterpiece. Set in a future that stems from a very familiar America, the world has been ravaged by Vampires. The Church has taken up the fight against these creatures of the night and at the head of their army is the Messiah returned. This Christ is as different from the New Testament Christ as that Jesus’ father is different from the Old Testament God. In a world were his flock is being eaten, Christ must be a little stronger with his message. This is all the fun of Battle Pope without the laugh a minute script or the overly heretical thematics. In fact, in many ways the way Seeley handles the Christ figure is a testament to a true understanding of the Faith. He is careful in this first issue not to have the Son of God speak out against more boiler plate issues of the Church, but there is the implication that Jesus is not quite in line with the way the Bishops of the Vatican would want things. Interesting touches like having Jesus attracted to a Vampire and his relationship with Bishop Parrish show an understanding of the divine made human. What could be an outrageous heretical story is actually a thought provoking meditation on the nature of the idol. This is a smart and intelligent read with an ending that begs for continued adventures.

The art is superb. It is not photo realistic. In fact there are touches of Mignola here and there. It is consistent strong and conveys the story in a coherent matter. The character designs take in familiar faces and archetypal characters and employ them in the style seamlessly. Action sequences are huge and fun, while not at all confusing.

"Ultimate Comics, we have more comics then your shop has!"

Loaded Bible 2: Blood of Christ
Published by Image
Written by Tim Seeley
Pencils by Mike Norton

The first issue of Loaded Bible was a breath of fresh air. It was intelligent and controversial. It was religious and Political in the same breath. It showed a great understanding of faith and that is one of the reasons that it was such a compelling read.

The second volume spends more time meditating on the idea of Vampires and the contradictions of the Church then on action or politics. Both of those are there, but much of the issue is Lilith spouting off why it is important not to kill the Humans and Christ dealing with the revelation that he is a clone. There are moments of absolute brilliance. When Christ decides that the only way he can truly understand the vampires is to become one and subjugates himself to the bite of an infant sucker he has saved. The healing that takes place was a little confusing for me. It is not as black and white as other things in the first two issues. In fact, it is fairly ambiguous and leads to questions that I hope are resolved in the third act. Like what didn’t we see in the trailer that night and what became of the baby?

There are also lots of exciting scenes. We find out who the traitor to the church is and why he fed information to the Vampires. We also get to see Bishop Parrish take the reins of the Vatican. A compassionate and faithful man now leads the Church, will it continue down its destructive path? There is also the great moment when the army of clones is unleashed on the Vampire invaders. We also get our first real glimpse inside the human resistance to the church. This is as idea heavy as the first issue, even if it is not a singularly satisfying. It seems to need the next chapter, much as Empire Strikes Back needed the finale of Return of the Jedi. It’s not a bad thing, just anticipatory.

Mike Norton takes over the penciling duties on this issue. It gives the comic a more traditional look, but it loses some of its character. Even still there are inspired panels, the bite of a vampire baby, the release of the clone army, or Christ’s inoculation of vampire blood.

Like Star Wars, you know this story is going to carry on. I hope that sales are enough to justify many more books in the Loaded Bible lore. This is an exciting and fresh take on vampires. It is epic in scope and demands to be carried on.